我的座右铭之一就是，“改变了你的思维，你的生活就会得到改变”。我绝对相信，思想与情感构成我们的经历。问题时绝大多数人甚至不懂得他们的消极想法。这些想法几乎已经成为一种习惯，所以他们看来十分正常。为了让自己的生活更为美好，摒弃以下这12种常年的错误想法吧。

One of my mottoes is “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life!” I’m a big believer that our thoughts and emotions shape our experiences. The problem is that most people aren’t even aware of their negative thoughts. It’s almost like they have just become a habit, so it seems normal to them. Here are 12 common toxic thoughts that you need to drop in order to have a better life:

1. 受害者心态

其实，你并不是一位受害者。因此，有问题不要抱怨其他人，不要抱怨环境。仅仅因为您不喜欢现在的处境并不意味着现在这种处境你没有责任。摒弃那种受害者的心态吧，那种心态与事一点益处都没有。实际上，这种心态是成功的障碍。一定要知道，你，也只有你自己，才对自己的命运负责。

1. Thinking that you are a victim.

You’re not a victim. So stop blaming other people or your circumstances for your problems. Just because you don’t like where you are now doesn’t mean that you can’t take personal responsibility to change it for the better. So get rid of that victim-mentality because it doesn’t help anything. In fact, it acts as an obstacle to success. Realize that you, and only you, are responsible for your destiny.

2. 以为自己可以改变别人

你改变不了。我花了很大代价才懂得这一点。生活中有段时间，我认为自己可以“激励”和“鼓舞”别人做到最好。经过好长时间，我才意识到能够改变他们的只有他们自己。如果他们不想改变，或者不知道如何改变，你所做的一起努力都是白搭。所以，不要担心其他人。如果你不喜欢他们“这个样子”，你可以选择不与他们相处，但你没有权力改变他们。

2. Thinking that you can change other people.

You can’t. I had to learn this the hard way. There was a time in my life when I thought I could “motivate” and “inspire” people to be their best selves. It took me a while to realize that the only thing that can change other people is themselves. If they don’t want to change—or don’t know how—then all of your efforts will be wasted. So don’t worry about other people. If you don’t like them “as is,” then you have the choice to not hang out with them anymore. But you don’t have the right to change them.

3. 与“不可改变的事实”不断作对

有些事情你可以改变。然而，大量的事情你无法改变。你可以减肥，找个更好的工作，回学校进修，结婚后继续工作等等。但有些事情是你无法改变的。这些事情就是“即成事实”。你的老板是个混蛋，可你无法改变。你可以改变工作，但你无法改变你的老板。你无法改变必须纳税，必须交抵押贷款这一事实。但是，你可以停止对抗。与不可改变的事情作对只会给你带来更多折磨，让你更为痛苦。因此，改变自己可以改变的，接受自己无法改变的。

3. Thoughts that constantly resist “What Is.”

Some things you can change. In fact, a LOT of things you can change. You can lose weight. You can find a better job. You can go back to school. You can work on your marriage. But there are some things you can’t change. Those things are simply “what is.” You can’t change that your boss is a jerk. You can change jobs, but you can’t change your boss. You can’t change the fact that you have to pay rent or your mortgage. But you can stop resisting it. Resisting the unchangeable does nothing more than frustrate you and make you miserable. So change what you can, and accept what you can’t.

4. “这山望着那山高”

“要是像这位姑娘一样漂亮的话，我就会感到幸福。”或者“要是像这个人一样有钱的话，我就会感到幸福。”这些想法都不是正确的。仅仅因为自己以为别比自己好并不意味着他们真的就比你好。也许这位漂亮的姑娘出生在一个暴力家庭，无法过上正常生活。也许这位有钱的人绝大多数时间都在工作，连探望自己家人的时间都没有。山并不是那边的就一定高。所以，珍视自己的处境，那是你自己的，一定要珍爱。

4. Thinking that “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side.”

“If only I was as pretty as that girl, then I’d be happy.” Or “If only I was as rich as that guy, then I’d be happy.” Those kinds of thoughts aren’t true. Just because you think someone else has it better than you doesn’t mean they do. Maybe the pretty girl came from an abusive home and can’t get her life in order. And maybe the rich guy spends so much time at work that he never gets to see his family. The grass is not greener on the other side. So appreciate the grass you have. It’s your grass. So love it.

5.指望别人

期望可以称为幸福的死敌，即便你认为自己的期望合情合理，例如让同室住的人或你的配偶在家里做他们应承担的家务活。仅仅因为你期望，并不就意味着他们一定会做。要认识到你的期望基于你个人的经验和偏见，但不一定是别人优先要做的事情。你也许不喜欢别人期望你干你自己并不想做的事情，所以也不要将自己的期望加在别人身上。如果不喜欢他们的行为，要么接受，要么你自己动手干。

5. Having expectations of other people.

Expectations can be deadly to happiness, even if you think your expectation is reasonable, such as having your roommate or spouse do his/her share of the chores around the house. Just because you expect it doesn’t mean they will do it. Realize that your expectations come from your personal experiences and biases. They are not necessarily other people’s priority. You probably don’t like being expected to do things that you don’t want to do, so don’t impose your expectations on others. If you don’t like their behavior, either accept it, or move on.

6. 找个配偶就能完整。

如果你不是一个完整的人，拥有浪漫的伙伴也不会让你完整。还有，这样做会对“让你幸福”的人施加很大的压力。有没有人，你自己都得感到快乐。拥有一个配偶并不会让你更为快乐。能让你快乐的只有你自己。

6. Thinking that having a significant other will complete you.

If you are not a whole person already, then having a romantic partner will not make you whole. Plus, it puts a lot of pressure on the other person to “make you happy.” You need to be happy with yourself with or without someone. Having a significant other doesn’t make you happier. Only youcan make yourself happy.

7. 一直需要证明自己正确

我弄不懂人们干嘛要拼命地证明自己“正确”。这样做有什么意义?我想，原因是他们不想表示软弱、脆弱或愚蠢。不过我认为，承认错误是更为高尚和成熟的做法。此外，每个人都有自己不同的意见。为什么不拥有自己的，而让别人拥有他们的意见呢?

7. Feeling that you always need to prove that you are right.

I always wonder why people will fight to the death to prove they are “right.” What’s the point? I think it’s because they don’t want to look weak. Or vulnerable. Or stupid. But I think admitting you are wrong is a much more noble and mature thing to do. Besides, everyone has a different opinion. So why not have yours and let them have theirs?

8. 担心别人怎么想

为什么在乎这种事?你认为他们评判你?我要告诉你一个小秘密。其实没人像你那样时刻在评判你自己。像你一样，其他人都忙于评判自己，他们根本不会想到你。因此，做让自己快乐的事情。如果别人对你评头品足，那是他们的问题，不是你的。无论如何，别理会他们，自个儿快乐吧。

8. Worrying about what other people think.

Why do you care? Do you think they are judging you? I’m going to let you in on a little secret. No one is judging you as much as you are judging yourself. Other people are too busy judging themselves just like you that they probably don’t even give you a second thought! So do what makes youhappy. And if others are judging you, then it’s their problem, not yours. Ignore them and be happy anyway.

9.只有一个正确，一个错误

在我们生活的世界上，我们都喜欢认为，客观现实是存在的。不过，到底是什么客观现实?客观现实只是一种幻想，是不存在的。存在的只是各种主观现实。一个人认为正确的东西另一个人却认为不正确。例如，民主党人和共和党人，究竟谁是正确的?嗨，这取决于你问社么样的人，是吧?有的事情大家都认为正确，那是因为这件事情适合大家的生活以及大家看待世界的方式。就是这样。画上句号。

9. Thinking there is only ONE right and ONE wrong.

We live in a world where we like to think there is an objective reality. But guess what? Objective reality is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. Only subjective realities do. What one person thinks is the “truth” is not the truth for someone else. For example—who’s right? The Republicans or the Democrats? Well, it depends on who you ask, right? Everyone thinks something is right because it fits their life and the way they look at the world. And that’s it. Period. End of story.

10. 担心为未来没有做好准备

我喜欢这句话：“担忧就好比为不需要的东西而祈祷。“ 如果你相信祈祷的力量，你就知道，将自己的思想和情感付诸宇宙/上帝(不管你信仰体系如何)在大部分时间是管用的。因此，现在就来吧。你拥有的一切就是现在。因在，现在就来，不要为未来担忧，因为你只能在一定的程度上控制未来。

10. Worrying about the future because you feel unprepared.

I love this saying: “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” And if you believe in the power of prayer, then you know that sending out thoughts and emotions into the Universe/God (whatever your belief system) works much of the time. So instead, be here in the NOW. Now is all you have. So be present and stop worrying about the future because you can only control it to a certain extent.

11. 金钱就等于幸福

我们生活在一个讲金钱讲成就的资本主义文化氛围里。我们认为很有钱的人总比没有钱的人好。但这种想法绝对是错误的。我相信世界上有许多幸福的修道士，他们名下可能没有一个美元。在麦当劳店里工作的人会感到真正的幸福，而亿万富翁却感觉不到。因此，不要陷入要幸福就得有钱的陷阱。这是不正确的。金钱不错，但它不会让你感到幸福。能让你幸福的只有你自己。

11. Thinking that money equals happiness.

We live in a capitalistic culture that values money and achievement. We think that people who have a lot of money are somehow better than those who don’t. But that’s simply not true. I’m sure there are plenty of happy monks in the world who probably don’t hold a dollar to their names. Or someone working at McDonald’s may be really happy while some billionaires aren’t. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to be rich to be happy. It simply isn’t true. Money is nice, but it doesn’t make you happy. Only you can do that.

12. 未来由过去决定

仅仅因为自己出身贫寒或者过去犯过错，这并不意味着你无法创造更好的未来。如果因为过去给自己贴上了“失败”的标签，那么你只会以“失败”的态度走入未来。如果你听说过自我实现预言现象的话，那么你就会知道，心怎么想，就会成为怎么样的人。正如我开头那一段所说的，“改变你的思维，改变你的生活。”

12. Believing that the past determines your future.

Just because you came from a poor family, or made mistakes in the past does not mean that you can’t make your future better. If you have labeled yourself as a “failure” because of your past, then you will only continue your “failure” attitude into the future. And if you’ve heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy phenomenon, then you know that what you think, you become. So like I said in the opening paragraph: “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life!”

我希望这篇文章让你可以深思那些每天可能都穿过你心灵的错误想法。我猜想你过去并不明白这种事情。因此，现在就开始关注自己的想法吧，如果抓住了自己负面的想法，一定要按“取消”，“删除”按钮，速度要快!

I hope that this article has made you think long and hard about the toxic thoughts that probably go through your mind every day. And I bet you didn’t even know it! So start paying attention to what you think, and when you catch your negative thoughts, hit the “cancel” and “delete” buttons—FAST!